well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
