Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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