Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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