Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
