Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
