She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
