I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
