sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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