At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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