fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i think im in europe. pls send help
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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