I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
