Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Your penis caused this!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
