There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
