If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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