if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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