I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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