She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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