Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
