Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
