dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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