I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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