Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
