There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
