Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm at about main and main street
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
