'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize