dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
