the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
