What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
