"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
