is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
