Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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