i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Are we still banned from the library?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
