Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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