my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
