Tell her she can't have a vagina
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize