i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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