I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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