Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
