So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize