RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize