That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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