Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
