You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
