He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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