how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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