If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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