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I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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