I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
As shirtless as possible
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
