I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
