My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
