So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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