Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
