so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
