Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
the raccoons are back...
Randomize