so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
