I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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