They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
