something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
