where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
