Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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