On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
