his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
