I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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