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I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize